Flamenco 2010: Vamos!
I don’t really like calling them New Year’s Resolutions, but I recently heard them described as “commitments with a little bit of wriggle room”, which I love. So here are mine, for this ruinously addictive, wonderful, challenging beast for this year:
>Go to the Feria de Abril in Seville, take classes and dance like a lunatic all night
>Learn Sevillanas
>Do a public performance
>Work out a new set of classes. The big 30-strong classes only do so much for me, and I can’t afford individual ones all the time. I should try some other classes and different teachers – and maybe try and do some private ones with a couple of the other chicas. Calling any teachers reading!
>Go to Jerez again, money permitting
>Finish writing up the tales from Jerez 2009 BEFORE I go again in 2010. (Seriously – what the hell is going on with that? Sort it out.)
>Go to the London pena more often (and check out any other socials)
>Make at least one flamenco dress and skirt (that is l-o-n-g enough – I didn’t get time to blog it before Christmas but I have now mastered the art of ruffles, so bring on the frocks, baby.)
>Be able to identify every single compas just by listening to the music.
I think that should just about cover it. Going to regular classes and working like a demon is pretty much taken as read.
I feel like 2009 was the year that I really committed to flamenco and started to reap some rewards. It brought a fair slug of frustrations and disappointments, some of which I could have done without. I’ve had to learn the hard way that not everyone is in this for the same reasons as me. But, at the risk of sounding like a gruesome self-help book, some of the bad stuff is teaching me too. I’m learning – with increasing awe – just how much time, effort and dedication goes into getting good at something. Really good at something. A lot of the things I’ve done, whether studies or music or whatever, I’ve got away with not having to work too hard. And I’m a bit of a dilettante; I’ve got into loads of things, some even for a while, but I rarely finish anything. I’m easily distracted, especially by the new and shiny, and not massively keen on hours of hard labour.
But flamenco – which isn’t exactly the easiest of art forms to start with – demands so much continuous effort. I often think I should do something easier, like naked mountain-climbing while carrying a yak. Just hanging in there this far represents more effort than I’ve put into most things – it’s a relationship that needs commitment, faith and patience. Most of the time the struggle is with myself: slaying dragons of laziness, doubt, fear. But I’m still here, which surprises me.
What’s remarkable is how it’s shaping me – admittedly some days “beating me into shape” might be a better phrase. This relationship is teaching me not to walk away from things just because they’re difficult; to steamroller the self-esteem demons; to bend things to my will instead of settling for what’s on offer. Not bad for “that dance you do – salsa, isn’t it?”
There’s one more “resolution” to add, which is to put into action my biggest learning from last year: to stop looking for approval and feedback all the time, and instead know inside myself that I can be good. It’s a really difficult thing for me to negotiate, becase on the one hand it sounds so appallingly wet, and on the other, like a recipe for arrogance-fuelled catastrophe. Nevertheless, self-confidence is the key – something flamenco has taught me that goes beyond any stage or performance.
I feel really excited about this year – a bit like this:
